This guy could break me and part of me wants to let him

Why the fuck is he on this date with me? He dresses nice. He owns his own successful company. He’s attractive. Confident. Dominant. Knows what he wants. He’s literally everything I thought I wanted. He said I looked bored, uninterested and that he didn’t like that because he drove 30 minutes to be there. Like I’m wasting his time. I said that’s just how my face looks when I’m uncomfortable around people. First thing he told me was that I shake my head a lot. Which, yes, that is something I’d rather I didn’t do and its embarrassing. It makes me feel bad about myself. He said he’s just being honest with me and that if he didn’t point it out, I couldn’t change it. I feel so horrible about myself right now. Like I’ve wanted to cry since I got back in my car. I hate this guy. I want to fuck this guy. I’m attracted to him. I’m intimidated by him. He makes me feel bad about myself, like I’m not good enough. I can see the relationship already. He will sleep with me. I know he’s a good fuck because he’s so confident. He will fuck me so good, I’ll get crazy and attached. Which will be fine for the first couple weeks. Then he will get sick of me, not the shiny new toy anymore, I’ll get jealous of the other girls he’s talking to and probably fucking. God. I’m torn between deleting his number from my contacts, call log, messages, and even blocking it. But then thinking I missed out. What if he texts me? Doesn’t that mean I’m special? But why the fuck would I sleep with a guy who has already made me hate myself before even sleeping with him? He’s so intense. It’s like he has this spell on me. I know he’s bad for me and I just want it, I need it. What the fuck is wrong with me? 

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3 thoughts on “This guy could break me and part of me wants to let him

    1. Yes, I think hes a narcissist and he sees an easy victim. Someone he can fuck with. Like some game…. Blocked his number. Unblocked it. He texted me. I’m totally playing this game, thinking I have the power. Maybe I DO have the power…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hang in, I’ve just recently moved from my childhood home (god I’m old) but I’m finding the peace in being alone. Do I want a gal I suppose yes but it’s nice not to worry as well. I’m resolved to the fact I’m destined to be alone and I kinda like it now nobody complains about what I cook!!

    Liked by 1 person

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