Old pics always bring shame

I signed into my Instagram for the first time in 3 years. 

I was so much thinner. My hair looked better too cause my hair stylist was the best. 

Plus she crushed pills with me while in the process of doing my hair. I miss that. It was something to look forward to.

I miss my old life is a drug addict. I miss not paying rent. I miss being 40 pounds thinner. The oblivion pills brought me.

I thought I was so fat. I thought drugs were my problem.

They’re not. 

My life is full of responsibilities and a desk job. My main issue is how fat I am. But also how miserable I am.

I’m not seeing the point anymore in staying clean.

At the same time I know better. 

I remember the hell. The shame. The guilt. I still have all that but it’s different now.

Give me back my old life and old body. Ignorace is bliss.

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